On Hurt

There is a woman I follow on Tumblr- a woman who has repeatedly made me laugh, made me thankful for the gift of humanity, made me thankful to be alive. Recently she posted this:
“What’s worse?

a.) finding out you’re an aunt via mass email?

OR

b.) finding out you’re an aunt via mass Facebook post?

The correct answer is:

c.) finding out for one nephew via mass email, and then 2 years later finding out about the next nephew via Facebook

This is the definition of gut-wrenching. My heart literally hurts.

This is way too personal for me to be posting here, but I’m home alone and sobbing like a fucking baby.

There was this line in an email that my sister-in-law (who has always tried to bridge the giant gap after my family disowned me) sent me years ago, where she said, “Your brother was right. I should have listened to him when he said you weren’t worth it”.

And that’s exactly how I feel right now.

Worthless.

Forgettable.

Disposable.

And because of what?

Because I fell in love with a woman.

Because I left my husband.

Because I told the truth about who I am.

Because I couldn’t lie anymore.

It shouldn’t have to be this hard. There shouldn’t be so much pain over something as honest as the love that Natalie and I have for each other…yet here I am, once again crying over my keyboard and wishing I could learn how to stop this from hurting so much.”

I’ve often been asked how I came to feel the way I do about religion in general, and Christianity specifically. The above post is a prime example of why I adamantly feel that ours would be a better world if we, to use John Lennon’s words, imagined all the people livin’ life in peace. Yes, I’m a bit of a dreamer.

Most of my circle of family and friends are Christian. They’re good people- amazing people, even. Yet many of them, despite their basically good nature, embrace a belief system that inflicts this needless pain on other good people. Most of them believe that this woman is less worthy than they of the basic human right to happiness. They would hold firm to the belief that this woman deserves pain. I beg to differ, very, very strongly.

Pain is a necessary part, even an invaluable part of the human existence, but it need not be inflicted needlessly by cultivated hate. Examine your norms. Examine your principles. If the hate you feel in your heart coincides with your beliefs, it’s time to reexamine your beliefs.

If you’d like to hear more from this woman, and get a taste of her extraordinary zest for life (and love for her partner), you can find her here.