Funny how we think of romance as always involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense. Alone, the world offers itself freely to us. To be unmasked, it has no choice.
The to-do list is a fascinating lesson both in human culture and the human brain. Umberto Eco famously proclaimed the list to be the origin of culture itself, and the Ziegarnik effect, which I’ve written about before, details the effect of writing things down on our unconscious minds.
I maintain a to-do list daily, documenting my tasks and goals, carefully trimming and pruning the list to reflect my values, my ambitions, and my priorities. Having the list in front of me is a constant reminder to stay on track- these are the things that I decided were important enough to warrant devoting a block of time to. There’s a certain liberation in putting these tasks on paper- they’re no longer floating in my head, constantly nagging. My mind becomes a bit clearer with every stroke of the pen. The process never fails to bring to mind Benjamin Franklin’s approach to the task list. There seems to be a fundamental problem with my list, however, and until recently, I had no idea what that problem was. As an example, today’s list, is this:
These are specific items I want to accomplish today, but something’s missing- namely, the most important things in my life- the people I love- are not there.
I need to change that. There is nothing more important, more fulfilling, more worthwhile than simply engaging with the people you love. I recently remarked to someone that “if it’s not on my task list, it won’t get done.” That’s becoming increasingly true, unfortunately.
I’m notoriously awful at returning personal phone calls. Horrendous, in fact. I probably don’t tell the people that I love how much they mean to me as often I should. I write letters to my daughter- words of wisdom (I hope) that I’ll let her read when she’s old enough to grasp them. I’ve written three such letters in the past four months. There are many others who would find it a pleasant surprise to receive a letter from me, or even an email. I should certainly call old friends to catch up more often. Yet I don’t do these things often enough, because I don’t include them on my task list. If my brain recognizes the importance of the list, if by way of the Zeigarnik effect my subconscious recognizes the importance of a task by the fact that it’s written down, why do I not include the most vital elements of my well-being- people- in my list of priorities?
Starting today, I will. My list will more fully encompass the things I want to do, and I will, no doubt, be a more thankful person for it. I must be careful, of course, not to let the list dominate my life- there are times when the list must be discarded in favor of the unplanned, the spontaneous. When my daughter wants me to read her a book, I will drop the list. When a friend calls me up for some good conversation over a cup of coffee, the list can wait. When the morning is too gorgeous not to wander aimlessly in it for awhile, I will succumb to its allure. The list is very adaptable, since it’s you who holds the pencil (and the eraser on the other end). Mold it, bend it, shape it to your will, and by no means should you become a slave to it. But the list has many, many advantages, and can be a crucial tool to accomplishing your personal and professional goals. Just make sure it truly represents all of the things you want to accomplish.
I decided not to write a new piece for Wonderisms today. Instead, I focused on making a couple of enhancements to the site. The result is, I believe, an improved experience for my readers, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.
The first thing you’ll notice is there are a few links at the top of my last post, On Context. The first is Readability interaction. Clicking on the link will convert the current post into Readability’s easy-to-read format, from which you can save the post to your Readability queue, send the post directly to your Kindle, and a few other options (all of which require a Readability account). The second link is Instapaper integration. Clicking the link will simply add the current post to your Instapaper reading list (which- you guessed it- requires an Instapaper account.
The third option is to download the post as an .mp3 file. This might seem like an odd feature, so I’ll tell you how it came about. Every Thursday, a very dear friend of mine calls to catch up on the week’s happenings. Occasionally, she has had time throughout the week to read my posts, and we discuss them at some length. If she hasn’t had a chance to read them, I read them to her. On one occasion, she remarked on how much more enjoyable the experience of having the posts read to her was(as opposed to reading them on the site).
So there you go. You can now download posts in .mp3 format, if you so choose.
The other change is a bit all-inclusive. If you click the “subscribe” button at the top of the page, you’ll be redirected to the bottom of my site, where you have three options to subscribe: via RSS, via email, and now via podcast. The podcast is simply an automated feed of all posts containing an afore-mentioned .mp3 file. So, if you do prefer to listen via audio, you can now subscribe in your favorite podcast player and listen on your desktop, on your phone, etc, in your favorite podcast client. Note that I’m waiting on iTunes approval, and how long that process will take is anybody’s guess. The most exciting aspect of the podcast is that it may entice me to experiment with formats more conducive to an audio experience.
Since I must attach the files to each individual post, it may take some time before I get all of the archives into audio format. I haven’t quite decided how to do that yet- perhaps I’ll post one new “From the Archives” bit each week along with the regular, current posts.
Also note that the method I’m using for this format is not exactly standard- it took some creative know-how to get everything up and running, and I may have made a mistake here or there. If you notice one of them, please let me know so I can fix it as promptly as possible.
That’s it. Thanks, everyone, and happy reading.
Close both eyes; see with the other one. Then we are no longer saddled by the burden of our persistent judgments, our ceaseless withholding, our constant exclusion. Our sphere has widened and we find ourselves quite unexpectedly in a new expansive location, in a place of endless acceptance and infinite love.
~ Gregory Boyle
Context can be a remarkable thing. It is the shadow that adds subtlety to the shape of the world. It is a capability too many of us neglect, and it is a flower easily wilted if not cared for.
Context is the enemy of judgment; where context resides, empathy ensues, and empathy is perhaps the most human of all emotions.
I’ve written before of the power of reading fiction on emotional intelligence. The effect of fiction on your social savvy is primarily due to the strengthened sense of empathy that the context of a particular narrative imbues. Adultery, here, serves as a perfect example. When a dear friend speaks to you of their lover's deceits, your first inclination is to condemn the cheater wholeheartedly. They’ve done something terribly wrong, and hurt someone you love. Disdain seems the most appropriate response.
But imagine that same scenario played out in an epic love story on the big screen- a married woman, while in the park one day with her children, meets the man of her dreams- the one that truly understands her, who inspires her, who fills her with life. She battles these feelings, fending them off with logic and loyalty... but ultimately succumbs to the love that is obviously larger and more powerful than anything she’s ever known. We all know this story- we’ve read it, we’ve watched it, and we rarely wonder why this scenario brings tears of joy, while the same scenario played out in our daily lives inspires quite the opposite feeling.
The difference lies only in context. In a story, we see the context surrounding the situation. In Anna Karenina, we know how imperfect Anna’s marriage truly is, and we cheer, long and hard, for Vronsky and Anna’s love. Had we simply been told, without context, that Anna and Vronsky were having an affair, that Anna is a married woman, we would surely be quick to condemn.
The difficulty lies in knowing just how feeble your sense of empathy is to begin with, and how strong is your propensity to discard context in favor of a particular, more comfortable narrative. In The Irrationality of Irrationality, Samuel McNerney tackles this issue head-on.
This is one of the reasons we humans love narratives; they summarize the important information in a form that’s familiar and easy to digest. It’s much easier to understand events in the world as instances of good versus evil, or any one of the seven story types. As Daniel Kahneman explains, “[we] build the best possible story form the information available… and if it is a good story, [we] believe it.”
Narratives formed by our own fragile psyches are, more often than not, misleading, largely because they leave no room for true context.
Last week, two things of significance happened in this great country of ours: North Carolina passed a constitutional amendment, effectively banning same-sex marriage. In the same week, our President spoke out in favor of extending basic human rights to the gay population. One pernicious aspect of human nature lies at the heart of the outrage felt by those who are quick to condemn the love of two people of the same sex: judgment.
Innumerable atrocities, in thought and in deed, are fueled solely by the fires of judgment. When put under a microscope, however, judgment is proven to be a most irrational and counterproductive concept. Fortunately, judgment withers under the bright light of context. Let’s add some context, then, to our very existence, shall we?
In a Prospect Magazine piece, Martin Rees tells us that “research may open the way for a conceptual shift of Copernican proportions..” Rees goes into fascinating scientific detail, breaking down into laymen’s terms the state of the industry of astrophysics. Here are a few key takeaways:
Somewhere very near, there could be another you- one who made a different decision than the one you made last week that you now regret. In one dimension, you are the king of a great nation. In another, you are lying in a ditch. In yet another, you have green toenails, and somewhere, you have been happily married for 87 years.
Given this context, how is it that this one instance of someone, on this one planet among billions, in one of billions of galaxies, in one of billions of universes, is so worried about the fact that two people of the same sex want to get married and raise a family? How small do your worries seem when held up in the context of the totality we live in? If we think about it, I’m sure we could find much more worthy, and much less superfluous things to occupy our minds.
If you find yourself passing judgment- on your neighbors, on a politician, on someone’s mistress, endeavor to add some context to the situation. Like revenge, judgment is a dish best served cold, but judgment cannot exist next to the warmth of empathy, which inevitably arises from the fires of context.
Last week, Elizabeth Gaucher of Esse Diem was kind enough to include me in her Essays on Childhood project. Last Wednesday, the most personal essay I've ever written went live. Here's a small snippet, and a link to the rest:
I was twelve when I first met her, standing on my front porch with Justin, debating a potential trade between Andre Dawson and Ken Griffey baseball cards.
Engrossed as we were in the possible trade, we didn’t hear the two girls walking towards us on the pavement, finishing a walk around the neighborhood block. When I looked up, I saw an amber-haired girl of about my age with a mischievous smile ask Justin if he wanted to climb trees later that day. He confirmed as I stood, mute. Soon they walked around the corner and disappeared. I asked Justin the name of the tall girl, and Justin replied, “Jess.” I kept repeating it. It rolled off of my tongue.
In the mid-eighteenth century, one of the great minds of his time set out on a task: to bring the world its first encyclopedia. Civilization, Diderot argued, was the direct result of empirical knowledge. Each generation knew a bit more about the world than the last. Nowhere, though, had this knowledge been recorded. Diderot thought that by putting mankind’s amassed knowledge into physical form, future generations could study it, learn from it, and build upon it, ultimately leading to the advancement of human happiness through the advancement of knowledge.
All too often, though, we ignore Diderot’s pleas for advancement through knowledge, simply because we forget about the origins of much of our current knowledge. Ancient thinkers formed the basis of our accumulated knowledge, yet often we discard their thoughts as irrelevant purely because of their age.
Take Socrates, the father of modern Western civilization. In an interview with The Browser, Jules Evans explains that there is a link between original Socratic thinking and modern cognitive behavioral therapy. Indeed, CBT was directly inspired by ancient philosophy, yet many therapists themselves are unaware of this fact.
In a more recent example, Sigmeund Freud’s work on the ego is proving to be invaluable to modern neuroscience, which is conclusively affirming some of Freud’s explanations regarding the use of our willpower. Freud himself was quick to point out that his work was meant to be tested and improved upon- and indeed it has been put through the ringer- but without Freud’s knowledge as a starting point, today’s neuroscientists would have no basis on which to form the hypotheses that lead to crucial experimentation and exploration.
What does all this have to do with you and the Internet? Going back to Diderot’s ambition for the encyclopedia to be the medium through which human happiness advances, consider that the web is nothing if not the ultimate encyclopedia. We now have nearly the whole of human knowledge at our fingertips, waiting to be explored, uncovered, and built upon. Indeed, I would not be able to write this were it not for the fact that I can access the very views of Freud and Socrates that I have described.
In order to grow, the human mind needs two things: knowledge and the means to put it to use. We know that the web is the ultimate source of knowledge, but it is useless if we don't know how to use it to cultivate the qualities we'd like to see in ourselves.
Consider Jules Evans’s thoughts on a need for conscious living:
We all have values and a model of the good life that we follow throughout life, but often our model of the good life is unconscious. We picked it up unconsciously from our childhood, our friends, what we happen to watch on TV or the music we listen to. And often our unconscious life philosophy won’t work for us. If you have a bad life philosophy, it can really mess you up. But the amazing thing about being a human is that we have the capacity to reflect on our unconscious values, and consider if they are working for us. If they are not, we can choose different values and a different course in life.
The road to happiness, and ultimately, to a fulfilling life, inevitably merges the very Socratic idea of studying one’s self to live more consciously- to replace unconscious motivations with deliberate ones, allowing you to mold yourself into the person you would like to be.
Now, to put that concept into practice, consider Socrates explaining the impact of the written word in The Phaedrus. In the story, Socrates tells of the god Theuth offering the king Thamus the gift of letters:
This, said Theuth, will make the Egyptians wiser and give them better memories; it is a specific both for the memory and for the wit. Thamus replied: O most ingenious Theuth, the parent or inventor of an art is not always the best judge of the utility or inutility of his own inventions to the users of them. And in this instance, you who are the father of letters, from a paternal love of your own children have been led to attribute to them a quality which they cannot have; for this discovery of yours will create forgetfulness in the learners’ souls, because they will not use their memories; they will trust to the external written characters and not remember of themselves. The specific which you have discovered is an aid not to memory, but to reminiscence, and you give your disciples not truth, but only the semblance of truth; they will be hearers of many things and will have learned nothing; they will appear to be omniscient and will generally know nothing; they will be tiresome company, having the show of wisdom without the reality.
Current knowledge now affirms this belief: now known as the Zeigarnik effect, this concept states that once you have written a thing down, you are much more likely to forget it, simply because your brain recognizes that the information is now stored somewhere else, and therefore it need no longer retain that information. Your brain, in essence, discards what you’ve written, so as to make room for knowledge that does not reside elsewhere.
How can you use this information to live a more conscious life? The idea of keeping a journal comes to mind. If your brain discards knowledge it knows it can find later, then it (your brain) is aware of how precious and finite is its own storage space. Keeping a daily journal would allow you to transfer the contents- the worries, the clutter- of your mind to a different medium, effectively clearing your mind of junk, and thus allowing it to roam freely to new and unexplored depths. According to Socrates- and to modern science- those who write their thoughts down are more likely to develop new, invigorating ideas, simply because their minds are now much lighter, and therefore free to do so.
Staying with the impact of a journal on self-improvement, consider another use Evans lays out:
One thing Hadot wrote about was the idea of keeping a journal. At the end of each day some ancient philosophers would keep track of what happened during the day – what they did well and what they did badly. The idea is that if you want to change yourself and get rid of bad habits, first you have to track yourself. Humans are such forgetful and unconscious creatures, we don’t always realise who we are or how we’re behaving. So we need to keep track of ourselves. Epictetus, for example, said if you have a bad temper count the days on which you don’t lose your temper, and if you manage to do it for 30 days then you can consider yourself to be making progress.
Evans goes on to praise the power of the web in this context, too- the web gives us the incredible power to track and study our habits so as to improve them. Our diet, our exercise, our sleeping patterns- nearly everything can be tracked, quantified, studied, and improved upon.
Is the web changing things? Of course. Is it a harbinger of doom or enlightenment? It is both, and it is neither. The web is simply a tool, much like a hammer. In the hands of an infant, a hammer is quite a dangerous thing. In the hands of a master craftsman, the hammer allows for new and beautiful things to be created.
Maria Konnikova says this in her Scientific-American piece on the effect on the above-mentioned Zeigarnik Effect:
I would never give up the ability to record, to access, to research endless topics at the click of a button. But, with Hemingway and Socrates never far from mind, I may be slightly more cautious about how I use that ability.
Here, Konnikova combines the ancient knowledge she's absorbed (and that consequently we have absorbed, via the web) with a more conscious approach to that very knowledge, and that very web.
The ultimate goal of mankind- of life- is to lead a more fulfilled life. Diderot believed that the accumulation of human knowledge can lead to a higher plane of happiness, and put forth the concept of the encyclopedia as a means to accrue more knowledge in the pursuit of happiness. The web is nothing if not the ultimate encyclopedia, so it follows that the tools for happiness are in your hands. Use them as you will. Will you be the infant wielding the hammer, jumping online to browse the latest funny cat videos, or to lament the fact that your coworkers are lazy? Or will you adopt the role of master craftsman, molding yourself into the person you know yourself capable of being? The wisdom of the ancients is invaluable, and that wisdom lies no further than the nearest web-enabled device. Knowledge is the new currency. The next time you open your web browser, think of the wealth of knowledge that lies within reach, and make a conscious decision to bathe in the pool of those riches.
I think all writing is done to benefit the writer on some level. Writing becomes a way to organize thought and work your way through a problem. A lot of the book’s questions are my own, and I think that it lends the writing a certain quality. A question isn’t left alone until I’ve sufficiently convinced myself of a satisfactory response to it.
"…as soon as we abandon the first intuition that we have that we’re in control of everything, then we can I start sailing in to the inner cosmos and discovering all sorts of planets and life forms on the inside of our skull," he says. The awe and wonder of the world will inevitably remain undiminished.
