On Being Helpless

I don’t think there is such a thing as being helpless. There is always an action that can be initiated. If you can do something to change the circumstances of the thing that’s causing you to feel helpless, then do that thing. If there’s no “action” you can perform, then that’s simply an indication that the change to be implemented must be internal- it must be a change that occurs inside you. Helplessness is an illusion.

On Learning

Many times I’ve found myself thinking of the fact that there’s simply too much knowledge to be gained, and not enough time. How wonderful it would be to have an instant knowledge of a subject! Remember the robot in “Short Circuit” who could read a thousand-page book in a few seconds? Or the sci-fi notion that so often pops up of uploading certain information to our brains? I would instantly have a complete mastery of history, psychology, philosophy, and so many more subjects.

But what a great tragedy this would be, to deprive myself of the actual process of learning. What a magnificent thing it is to absorb a fact that was previously unknown. There’s a sort of euphoria that goes on in the mind when this happens- something akin to, I would think, eating a truly delectable meal, or sharing a delicious conversation with a beloved friend. Learning should, in fact, rank in the upper echelons of sensory pleasure. Food, sex, the rush of conquering a fear- learning, surely, deserves a place alongside these.

Brain v Heart: My Thoughts

My life philosophy cannot be summed up briefly, or succinctly. I think often, of the nature of reality, and of myself. So often, many of the conclusions I’ve come to seem to be so disconnected from each other that it becomes overwhelming. Sometimes, though, a thought enters one’s mind that ties things together, and that is a beautiful moment indeed.

I’ve struggled with a concept for some time now: my love of logic, of reason, and my romantic nature. I believe, firmly, that the evolution of our species hinges primarily on one thing: our understanding. Our infinite curiosity is our most valuable asset. Without it, we would not know what we know, and it is in what we know that I find wonder and beauty.

The problem is this: logic is cold, it is hard, it lacks compassion. It is a matter for the brain. Romanticism, on the other hand, is just as necessary. We (and more specifically, I) need circumstances to transcend that cold logic. We need to feel, purely. Think of your favorite movie, favorite book, favorite memory, favorite painting. There is little in Romeo & Juliet, in Van Gogh, in a child’s laughter, in the scent of a rose, or in an unselfish deed to appeal to our brains. Those moments that tug at our heart strings are meant to be the things that sustain our emotional health, and indeed our faith in humanity. Surely logic cannot be reconciled with this fact? Surely these two concepts are mutually exclusive?

Ahh, not so. It is in understanding things that I’ve found wonderment. It is in our capacity to reason that I’ve found beauty. I’ll give two examples: one of epic proportions, one on an individual scale.

I recently read a paper calling for the complete overhaul of our legal system. The underlying sentiment is this: our understanding of blameworthiness is a faulty one. The paper cites as an example the case of a father and husband, a seemingly average successful middle-class man, who one day began writing of a strange obsession that had overtaken him, namely, the thought of inflicting pain upon, even ending the lives of his family. The man eventually killed his entire family- wife, children, and in-laws. It was later discovered that the man had a brain tumour, and it was verified that said tumour was the cause of these unnatural inclinations. Blameworthiness, then, takes on a whole new shade of grey. Even child molesters, it is now thought, may be said to have a physical defect of which they can be cured. The conclusion was that we must, before every trial, look for physical brain defects to determine blameworthiness. This seems to me a huge leap in the furtherance of humanity. After all, the conclusion implies that we’ve been executing people for their physical defects. The beauty of empathy and compassion, here, is the direct result of the work of innumerable professionals, whose body of knowledge cultivated in a deeper understanding of the human condition.

On a more individual level, take this example: imagine the prototypical self-destructive personality (I’m sure you know one of them personally). Imagine the actions, destructive of course, that have led to the anxiety, depression, or helplessness that inevitably overcome this person. Imagine that you know enough of the human mind to find the cause of their behavior. Now, suppose you used that knowledge to appeal to their sense of courage, of personal responsibility, and of faith in themselves. Without reaching inside themselves, with your help, to invoke these qualities, they would be condemned to live the life in the same condition in which you found them: despair. Yet, through your knowledge, the culmination in you of the understanding of the human mind, this person now understands the steps that must be taken to lead a fulfilling life. It could hardly be said that your knowledge of said person, or of the human condition itself, could not have been arrived at without the assistance of the research of countless others: of cold, hard facts about the brain. (An argument could be made against this: that a body of knowledge could be accrued through simple experience. I am referring to a knowledge including recent breakthroughs in the field, such as the fact that humans, when presented with facts contrary to their beliefs, only further embed their false beliefs, rather than reconstructing their beliefs around the given facts). Again, an example of reason being used to further a world of which our hearts would emphatically approve.

This is where I want our world to be. This is why I feel so strongly about the pursuit of knowledge, of the progression of we mortals. The heart and mind do not need to be mutually exclusive elements. They can- and must- meet in a spectacular explosion, inevitably producing what can only be described as the music of the universe.

On Thinking

I’ve been accused, on a somewhat regular basis, of thinking too much- the implication being that I’m a bit too serious. Since I so love my irony, I’ve been thinking about thinking.

“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking,” Voltaire once said. The fact that this quote comes to mind more readily than others speaks to crux of the problem of thinking too much: it’s a difference in perspective on life itself, the lens through which I view the world. If the goal of thinking is to resolve a problem, and I think quite often, then I must view the world as a series of problems to be solved. If I look back on my short adult life, I realise that this is increasingly true. Each day, I see more and more of the world which needs to change. We’ve come a long way as a society, but the problems of humanity that have so outraged are not that far behind us. Given the age of mankind, political alliance through marriage, for example, are not exactly ancient history. It wasn’t too long ago that Galileo was burned for his ideas. Or, take much more recent history: segregation, for example, creationism, or the current gay rights movement. With so many wrongs that need righted, how can one not set aside time to ponder?

Not that I will solve these problems- I simply understand the importance of questioning the norm. After all, the above-mentioned atrocities were once considered the norm, at least within each offender’s respective society. The point is it took a new perspective, a new kind of courage, in each instance, to change the way the world viewed each problem. How, then, did this change in perspective come about? Inevitably, it starts with the individual. The printing press, the discovery that the earth was round, the economic policies that led to the Recession- all of these things began to change the world’s perspective by changing a single person (or group of persons)’s perspective. There are so many things that need changed today- the industrial age is at an end, and the workforce needs to change with it. Democracy and capitalism themselves have reached the tipping point, and we must now question the very fundamentals of the system in which we live. There’s no end to the challenges we face as a whole. As Einstein put it, “The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

Yet, there must be something more personal involved. I don’t intend to change the world, so why do I think about these things? Socrates famously said that a live unexamined is not worth living. If my life is to be worth living, I must examine it- I must think. With more and more emerging research, mankind is starting to realise that our minds, our senses, our perceptions do little more than trick us all day long. We have now questioned the very purpose for which reason itself exists, or how much blameworthiness in a criminal can be attributed to free will, and how much to factors beyond the criminal’s control (physical, environmental, etc). If am to be the man that I hope to be, isn’t it imperative that I reflect on the way these emerging thoughts affect me as a man?

In the end, though, I have to agree that my detractors are right: I probably think too much. Combined with an understanding of myself in the here and now, developed largely through meditation practice, I also leave time for simply being here, now. Perhaps the problem is that I simply am not here and now often enough. Perhaps a little more balance is in order- and I thank those that have pointed out that I think too much for offering a little perspective on that balance. Perhaps, like alcohol, thinking serves us best in moderation.

On Hurt

There is a woman I follow on Tumblr- a woman who has repeatedly made me laugh, made me thankful for the gift of humanity, made me thankful to be alive. Recently she posted this:
“What’s worse?

a.) finding out you’re an aunt via mass email?

OR

b.) finding out you’re an aunt via mass Facebook post?

The correct answer is:

c.) finding out for one nephew via mass email, and then 2 years later finding out about the next nephew via Facebook

This is the definition of gut-wrenching. My heart literally hurts.

This is way too personal for me to be posting here, but I’m home alone and sobbing like a fucking baby.

There was this line in an email that my sister-in-law (who has always tried to bridge the giant gap after my family disowned me) sent me years ago, where she said, “Your brother was right. I should have listened to him when he said you weren’t worth it”.

And that’s exactly how I feel right now.

Worthless.

Forgettable.

Disposable.

And because of what?

Because I fell in love with a woman.

Because I left my husband.

Because I told the truth about who I am.

Because I couldn’t lie anymore.

It shouldn’t have to be this hard. There shouldn’t be so much pain over something as honest as the love that Natalie and I have for each other…yet here I am, once again crying over my keyboard and wishing I could learn how to stop this from hurting so much.”

I’ve often been asked how I came to feel the way I do about religion in general, and Christianity specifically. The above post is a prime example of why I adamantly feel that ours would be a better world if we, to use John Lennon’s words, imagined all the people livin’ life in peace. Yes, I’m a bit of a dreamer.

Most of my circle of family and friends are Christian. They’re good people- amazing people, even. Yet many of them, despite their basically good nature, embrace a belief system that inflicts this needless pain on other good people. Most of them believe that this woman is less worthy than they of the basic human right to happiness. They would hold firm to the belief that this woman deserves pain. I beg to differ, very, very strongly.

Pain is a necessary part, even an invaluable part of the human existence, but it need not be inflicted needlessly by cultivated hate. Examine your norms. Examine your principles. If the hate you feel in your heart coincides with your beliefs, it’s time to reexamine your beliefs.

If you’d like to hear more from this woman, and get a taste of her extraordinary zest for life (and love for her partner), you can find her here.